My broken heart

Today my heart is breaking for the lost.  Lately I don't like what I'm seeing in this world. I am a follower of Jesus Christ, a Christian, a believer.  In a nut shell it means that I believe in the Bible and I try to live my life according to those words. People are either believers or unbelievers ... there is no in between. As a christian I know I was born a sinner and needed Jesus.  He lived a perfect life, died on a cross and rose from the dead... all so you and I could have our sins forgiven. I sin every day because I'm human, but in the midst of being me,  I'm trying to be more like Him.  I seek Him every morning by reading His word.  I give my day over to Him and ask Him to show me what it is He'd have me to do with my time.  I pray that I'll be the wife, mother, friend, Sunday school teacher, caregiver, blogger etc. that He'd have me to be.  No, I am not perfect, I don't claim to be, I just try to do the best I can for Him. He commands that we love one another.  In loving others we are obeying His word.

My hearts desire is for you to know the joy and peace that I know from Jesus.  Some say the bible is just an old book, written by old men and it has no value to them.  My heart breaks for them ... if only they could read it and grasp the power of those words.  I am a person who is so in love with Jesus and His precious word that I don't want unbelievers to miss out.  I want you to give God a chance.  If you seek Him, you will find Him.  He loves you as much as He loves me. Truth is, Jesus is all you need.

My husband went on a mission trip to Thailand several years ago.  He put together a group of pictures from his trip and set it to music.  The song that he chose spoke to me so I asked him about it this morning so I could share it with you all. It will be on my facebook page hopefully linked in with this blog. :)  I hope it touches your heart like it touches mine.  If you are a follower of Jesus that is great ... will you join me in praying for several of my friends who don't believe?  Thanks.

Go be a blessing ...

Best Personality

When I was in 8th grade at D.R. Hill Middle school we had a page in our yearbook called Superlatives.  People were voted on by their classmates for Most Valuable Fans, Most Likely to Succeed, Most Athletic, Best Looking, Best Personality, Wittiest and Best all Around.  Along with Faith Meyer and Archie Irby I was voted as having the Best Personality.  Having invited Jesus into my heart a couple years prior I could only attribute it to Him living through me.  It was a nice honor for me, a shy girl from the "Mill Hill".  As a senior at Byrnes High School once again Superlatives were voted on and I was chosen for Best Personality.  I guess by now I'm thinking my looks aren't too great, but I have a good personality :-) LOL.  Anyway, thinking back on this honor has put this question in my mind today; If my peers voted on superlatives today, where would I rank?  Is my "personality" where the Lord would have it to be?  Well, since I know my heart, I have to say no it is not.  I am ashamed and repentant of some jealousy I have dealt with recently.  I am jealous of those who have good health and can run around like the energizer bunny.  I have to be quick to confess my sin and acknowledge to the Lord that I trust His plan for me. He has commanded us all to love one another.  Whew ... really???? When I was that 8th grade girl and that Senior girl I can honestly say I loved everyone.  My mom will vouch for me.  I had a heart of pure gold.  Now though as a grown woman, my heart of gold has melted some and my love for others isn't as strong as it once was.  I'm a little harder on people, BUT at least I recognize my flaw and I've confessed it to the Lord.  I am praying that He will enable me to love like I did before. I want to see the best in others.  I want to see you through His eyes.  When I look at people through the eyes of Jesus that's when I truly have the best personality toward others. Last Thursday night I went to a meeting at my daughters school.  Normally when I sit with a group of people I will speak to everyone at the table and at least make small talk.  I barely spoke unless spoken to.  When I got home and was praying at bed time the Lord brought that to my mind.  He said why didn't you speak to so n so ?  And I began to ask myself why didn't I? Well, honestly I felt terrible and couldn't wait to leave.  I had a sinus infection and the people I did speak to commented on my scratchy voice.  Regardless, I felt bad having not been more friendly to everyone.  I guess what I'm getting at is this ... He is still working on me.  It's never to late to change a poor attitude.  I am praying and asking the Lord to continue to teach me and show me so I can be the best wife, mother, friend and new acquaintance with the best personality that you'll ever meet.  :)

Be a blessing ...

Spring?

According to the calendar it is spring, but stepping outside feels more like winter.  It's snowing in the mountains and very cold and breezy here.  My "bursitis" lol, is acting up so as I sit here typing I have a heating wrap on my achy shoulder.  I had planned to go to the cemetery today to put some spring/Easter flowers on my dad and grandparents graves, but this cold weather is keeping me away.  My plan now is to go on Thursday when the temperature is suppose to be warmer.  Ironically I was doing some "spring cleaning" yesterday and came across a bag of photographs.  I didn't expect them to be in with the stuff they were with so I had to look through them.  I saw happy pictures from my dad's 70th birthday party, but also pictures someone took at his funeral.  It was quite shocking to see the photo of him in the casket, but knowing that he is in heaven made looking at it bearable.  I do miss my father so much, BUT you know what?  Because my Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, died on a cross, was put in a tomb and then raised from the dead ... I will see my earthly father again.  Yes, when I go to the cemetery my dad's bones are there in the ground, BUT if I could go to the tomb of Jesus, I would not find His bones, because He is risen, He is NOT there.  Praise God for the cross.  I am such a sinner.  I deal with issues and troubles like any other person ( none of us are perfect), but I am forgiven.  If you've never accepted Jesus as your Lord and savior, won't you accept His free gift today?  First you need to realize that you are a sinner and you need a savior.  John 3:16 tells us clearly "For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life."    If you want to have that eternal life in heaven then pray this prayer or one similar:  Dear Jesus, I believe you are truly God's Son. I confess that I have sinned against you.  Please forgive my sins and come into my life as my Lord.  Thank you for dying on the cross for me.  Thank you for saving me.  Help me to live a life that pleases you.  Amen.

If you prayed that prayer and you want to talk about your new life with Jesus,  just email me at susanbneal@gmail.com   This Easter will mean more to you than you'll ever know.  With love from my heart, Susan

Go be a blessing . . .

"The good old days"

I'm sure you're familiar with the phrase "the good old days" ... I've heard it said all of my life and find myself saying it more often as I get older.  Last week as I sat on my daughters bed I noticed the empty phone receptacle on her wall.  It took me back to the "good old days" when I was a teenager and couldn't wait to have a phone in my room.  I remember being so proud when our family friend  Tim came over and hooked it up for me.  Goodness knows living in a house with 6 people and one phone was rough.  BUT the fact that the phone was on the wall in the kitchen made having any privacy difficult.  My 3 older brothers didn't help with that either.  I can remember each of us dragging that long phone cord into the kitchen closet just to be able to talk in private.  I remember hanging clothes out on the line and not only enjoying the fresh smell, but also the breeze they made while I laid out in the sun to tan.  I'd take my boom box outside and play cassettes ( I don't know if kids today even know what a cassette is). I can remember when we didn't have a microwave and when we did finally buy one my mom hardly used it.  We thought it was dangerous and couldn't really cook food.  People used to have one TV now they have one in each room.  Cell phones were only on TV and for the rich and famous.  I got my first cell phone while in college and I thought it was so cool to have a phone in my purse.  Do you remember getting letters from friends?  You know they'd fold them all kinds of ways and try to pass them in class without getting caught? Do kids still pass letters today?  I have kept a small sampling of letters from many of my friends from high school (especially the "love" letters).  Those were the good old days.  I hope texting doesn't keep young people from the art of writing letters.  I write out a weekly to-do list and keep it on the island in the kitchen, almost every morning my sweet Chris takes the time to write me a love note by my daily tasks.  I look forward to them and appreciate them so much.  So I am rambling today thinking about the good old days.  What do you remember best about your good old days???

Go be a blessing ...

My mind is spinning with topics to write about this morning. The last few days I've found myself in a valley. As I've talked about my feeling with my family they have helped me tremendously. The mountain top is within sight :).  I gained much wisdom from my teenager just last night.  She hasn't felt good this weekend and I have good days and bad days in regards to how I feel (more bad than good it seems lately).  Anyway, last night I was sharing with Olivia how I felt discouraged because I have been praying that the Lord would grant me good health so I could get a job and help pay for the things I'd like to buy (extras if you will).  My daughter said, "Maybe the Lord doesn't want you to have a job" ... Hmmm, you know what ? maybe He doesn't.  Wisdom from a teen.  At lunch yesterday I told Chris how I wished for a certain type of friend for this stage in my life.  After he and I talked I realized that what I thought I needed in that person I already have.  Then as I talked to my mom just before bed and she and I were both talking about how we don't feel good most days.  We don't begrudge others with their good health, but we question why the Lord allows some of us NOT to have the energy and spunk that He allows others to have.  She and I were in agreement that if the Lord is using us in the state that we are in, then we will be content and give Him the glory ... ultimately its all about Him anyway.  Wow, just talking through all of that with my 3 loves really gave me a new perspective.  Maybe you can't follow what I'm saying, but the point is this:  My life is not my own.  I am a child of Jesus and I want to serve Him.  It's when I think of serving myself ( like wanting to get a job so I can buy Vera Bradley stuff and other worldly things) that I get discouraged.  Seriously I don't know what I'm thinking.  Usually I'm so level headed and don't care about name brands.  I do like good quality, but mostly I am a thrifty chick who gets a thrill from a good deal rather than paying full price.  Olivia and I talked on the way to school about how the Lord provides for the birds. He says that He clothes the birds of air, He feeds them. He says, "Are you not of more value than they?" He also says to consider the lilies of the field and not even Solomon was arrayed like one of these. A few verses later Matthew tells us not to worry about what we shall eat or what we shall drink or what we shall wear. Our Heavenly Father knows that we need all of these things.

Matthew 6:33 tells us "But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."   He know our needs before we do. He may not always supply all of our wants, but He always meets our needs. So as I am climbing up out of my valley I want to leave you with the hope of Jesus. I believe He allows us to share our burdens with others so we can help and learn from each other. I am sharing what He is teaching me today.  Keep your eyes on Him and keep climbing ... He is right there with you, teaching you as you make your way up the mountain.  Is the climb difficult? Yes.  Will there be slips along your way? Yes.  Will Jesus always be there to catch you when you slip?  Yes, yes, yes.  Never give up.  You are not alone.

Now go be a blessing ...

It's not about me ...

God is good ... all the time.  Nothing is about me, but it's all about Him.  When you feel down and out and don't know where to turn, turn your eyes to Jesus.  If you are nervous and struggling with something, pray the prayer below.  I wrote it for my daughter and myself and would like to share it with you.  Praying back God's word is what I believe we are called to do, along with loving one another.  Seek the Lord with all your heart and you WILL find Him.  He will never leave you or forsake you.  Jesus loves you.  As you leave 2012 and enter into 2013 seek the Lord.  I promise you it will be the best decision of your life.  Happy New Year Friends !!!

Dear Father, I am asking you to do as Psalm 139:23 says,  “ Search me, oh God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts”.Lord help me to trust you and not worry about the “what if’s" of the day? Holy spirit please guide me and help me submit my day to you. I know that the bible tells me in 2 Tim.1:7 “ For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”  Satan wants me to take my eyes off of you, but Jesus you are all powerful and you can give me victory in anything.  Thank you Jesus for being with me everywhere I go.   Thank you for helping me to trust that you love me more than any one.  You are here.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  We got this Lord J Thank you Jesus J

12/31/12

Wow, is it really the end of another year?  As I look back over 2012 I find myself with mixed emotions.  Let me hit the highlights.  In January 2012 Chris and I stepped out of our comfort zone and stood before our church and TV viewing audience to talk about being foster parents. That was the beginning of several speaking opportunities where we shared from our heart about our calling. In February Olivia brought home the 3rd place ribbon in her schools Science Fair. So proud of her. March brought "Little One" our first foster child, back into our home.  We took a family beach trip the first week of April, then on the 19th my baby girl turned 13.  In May I was bitten by our prodigal kitty.  After 18 doses of Sulfa for the bite, I broke out in an itchy rash and found out I was allergic to my fourth antibiotic.  Chris and I celebrated 16 happy years of marriage.  In June Olivia and I rode around and delivered fliers for Vacation Bible School at our church.  At the end of the month she and I volunteered to work with the second graders at VBS.  Little One was in our class and we all had a great week.  In July Chris and Olivia took an all day hunter safety training class.  Olivia and I also started Biblical christian counseling.  It was very eye opening and such a blessing.  Little One learned how to ride a big girl bike without training wheels.  August brought me a year older hubby and another beach trip with the girls and my mom.  It was so nice to have mom at the beach.   In September Olivia started voice lessons at school.  We finally went to court for Little One after the date being changed for months.  Chris went shrimping, but the shrimp were not there.  I lost hearing in my left ear and began a new journey in my life. September 30th Little One moved to another foster home. October was the month I spent in Dr. Butehorns office.  I had 3 steroid shots ($1300 each) in my ear ( one a week for 3 weeks).  Olivia went to the night corn maze with her classmates and had a great time.  My mom's side of the family had a family reunion at Lake Cooley.  Grandmother Quinn was able to attend along with her brother and all the family. It was a special day.  In November Chris and I went through an all day Foster parent mentoring program. Olivia and I put up the Christmas tree and decorated the gazebo for Christmas. I had a sleep study and my first ever brain MRI.  I found out that I didn't have sleep apnea or a tumor on my ear canal. Praise the Lord for His mercy.  December gave Chris a year older wife. We were able to spend the evening with Little One at the foster parent Christmas party and she is doing great !! Olivia had a good month singing with chorus and spending some fun times with her friends.  Whew ... and to think of all of the stuff I left out.  Health wise this hasn't been my best year, BUT I honestly believe that the Lord doesn't allow anything to happen without a purpose, SO I give Him all the glory and honor.  I may never know why I lost my hearing, I may never regain it, but I do know the One who allowed it and I trust Him completely.  So no matter what happened this year it was not in vain.  I will continue to seek and trust and hopefully learn and grow from these experiences.  The only thing that is important is that you have a relationship with Jesus.  If you don't, then make that your 2013 goal.  He is all you need.  Take it from someone who knows. 

Love to you all.

Go be a blessing ....

December

So much has happened since I last blogged in October.  I had a sleep study at North Grove Medical Park.  That was a night I won't soon forget. I was connected to 27 little wires and two large straps around my waist and chest.  I didn't feel like I slept at all, but the technician assured me that I did.  It wasn't the worse thing in the world, but I'm glad it's over.  I then had an MRI ( honestly I'd rather have another MRI than another sleep study).  I found out on the same day that the results of the sleep study showed no sleep apnea !!! That was a blessing.  The doctor went on to tell me that the MRI didn't show a tumor on my ear canal, another blessing !!! I think I floated out of his office on that Friday morning.  What a praise.  I don't go back to see him until February so it's nice to have a break from the testing for a while.  :-) We still don't know why I lost my hearing, but it could be a case of Bell's Palsy.  Instead of the palsy coming out through my face, it went back into my ear drum.  Or the doctor said it could have been viral.  We just don't know.  I am trusting the Lord as He is getting me adjusted to the "new" sounds I hear and don't hear.  I still don't enjoy music, but Charles Billingsley's concert was awesome.

Chris has killed a couple of deer and still enjoys the hunt.  He took Olivia hunting this evening.  They didn't see anything, but they had a good time.  I like to go with him to get the memory card from the deer cam.  We enjoy watching the video of the deer and other wildlife.  We've seen deer, raccoons, a fox, turkeys and even coyotes.  The woods are a very peaceful place.

Olivia is doing excellent in school.  I don't like to brag so I won't.  One of my pet peeves is when people post their kids grades on face book.  Seriously ... they are grades.  They will not make or break you in this life.  I'm not a numbers kind of mom.  I know she is brilliant; I live with her and have taught her. What makes me proud is when she comes home from helping with the special Olympics and she can't stop talking about the kids who touched her heart.  Last week her school chorus sang in a nursing home and she went on and on about a sweet man with a beard like Santa.  She hugged him.  I love that she sees people as people.  She is kind and compassionate. I couldn't be more proud of the young lady she is turning into. I pray for her daily ( moment by moment many times).  She is a blessing.

She and Chris take good care of me and I love them so much.  I am a thankful wife and mother.   God is good ... all the time. 

A new season of my life.

Over the summer Olivia and I went through biblical counseling to help us overcome our anxiety and fears.  It was a wonderful time together with our bible and counselor.  We learned that fear is not of God and now 2 Timothy 1:7 is one of my most treasured bible verses.  It says, " For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." When you go through life worrying about the "what if's" you don't really enjoy much.  You find yourself saying no to invitations that could be fun and worthwhile.  You miss out on many joys.  Praise the Lord that is NOT the case with either of us anymore.  Through the word of God we have been set free !!!  Our counselor told us that Satan was not going to be happy about this because for years he has been putting chains on us (they are now removed by the power of the holy spirit).  She assured us that Satan would attack us and she said he would attack our health.  She couldn't have been more correct.  Olivia has had sinus allergy issues and missed school due to sickness.  I've been struck deaf in my left ear.   I have my 3rd and final steroid shot in my ear this week before an MRI is ordered.  I am an active person who loves caring for my family and doing for others.  This ear issue has slowed me down.  I drove out to Target last week and while sitting in the parking lot Satan kept whispering that I shouldn't go inside.  He told me that I'd just get dizzy and that I needed to go back home.  I knew that wasn't from the Lord so I pulled out my Victory journal from counseling and I read all of the verses that helped before. I prayed and asked the Lord for strength.  Do you know when I got out of the car a good friend was there and she asked how my ear and dizziness was?  She wanted to know if I was ok  and if I needed her.  Coincident? No way.  The Lord put her there to encourage me and to remind me that the Lord is always going to meet my needs ( and yours for that matter, if you will only trust Him).  I shopped and bought what I needed.  I didn't have any dizzy spells :-) I had another victory to write in my victory journal!  Right now I am taking life one moment at the time.  Honestly, I am unsure of what my future holds, but knowing who holds my future keeps me going.  When you lose your hearing in one ear, the other ear tries so hard to overcompensate.  Teaching 5 year old children is a joy, but the sounds my one ear takes in when all of the kids get excited and talk is tough.  I love to go to church, but music is not the same.  Sunday I had to sit out while the singing was going on because of all of the different sounds. Thankfully I can listen to the pastor ( or one person).  I wonder if Charles Billingsley's concert this Sunday evening will be my last??? I'm curious how my ear will do with one singer verses a choir.  I think acappella will sound good :) 

So this is me sharing and venting I guess. I'd be amiss if I forgot to share with you about making the treat bags with scripture to give out on Halloween.  Every year our family fills candy bags and attaches the word of God.  This year I printed a prayer for the child on one side of the paper and the plan of salvation on the other side.  We all will pray over the bagged candy and we'll know that each child who leaves our door on Halloween will be carrying the word of God with them.  If you'd like a copy of what I typed I'll be glad to send it to you. 

Well that's all that's on my heart right now. Actually Little One is still on my heart, but I've been so occupied with doctor appointments that the Lord has healed the hurt of her being gone.  I still keep in touch with her new foster family and she is doing great !!

Go be a blessing ...

Victory in Jesus !!

There is victory in Jesus.  Last Thursday we sat through court listening to witnesses and accounts of what happened to our precious Little One.  The judge took all the evidence and testimonies and said he'd give us a verdict the next day.  Friday morning we prepared our hearts to hear what he would say.  Praise the Lord he ruled in favor of the child!!! He saw that abuse did take place and he felt it was in her best interest to remain in DSS custody (so she is still with us).  We are very happy for her and this victory.  We thank you all for your prayers, calls, texts, emails and words of encouragement.  They were all felt. 

Ephesians 3:14-21

King James Version (KJV)

¹⁴ For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
¹⁵ Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
¹⁶ That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;
¹⁷ That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,
¹⁸ May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;
¹⁹ And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fullness of God.
²⁰ Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,
²¹ Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.

A journey of faith

Wow, it has been 2 months to the day since I've blogged ... boy do I have some things to share with you.   On  March 26, 2011 while at the beach for our last family vacation before our foster child was to return to her mother "Little One" prayed and asked Jesus into her tender heart.  It was a glorious day. She had been asking questions and was ready to give her heart to the Lord.  Fast forward to March 26, 2012 ... I had just returned from visiting my grandmother at the nursing home and sat down to check my facebook.  As the feeds came through one from channel 7 news rocked my world.  There was a picture of our first foster child's mother (her mug shot) and the title read; "Mother chased daughter with a claw hammer".  Don't you know my heart sank? I began to shake and felt sick.  I called Chris who always calms me and asked him to call DSS.  Within 20 minutes a representative from DSS called me and I found out Little One was safe and ok.  That evening we picked up Little One from the Children's shelter and she has been with us since.  What a difference one year can make. I am happy to report "Little One" is healthy, happy and doing great. There have been two court hearings which were both continued( moved 30 days or more) with no actions taken. Next Thursday, Sept. 6th is our next court date.  Due to privacy I can't really share information with you, but I would ask that you join me to pray specifically, that the Lord's will for where Little One should live be revealed to all of us.  Some family members have come forward and would like to have her come live with them, so that is a possibility.  Our family only wants the best for her and her future.  This has been a long journey and after court I will share more from my heart and what the Lord has taught me throughout this process.  Right now I ask for prayers for Little One.  Thanks.